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The Hamster Prince

Title: The Hamster Prince
Author: starflowers
Featuring: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Bob/Mikey Frank/Gerard
Why, for the love of god, why?: This is a gift! For skoosiepants, because she has written some of my favourite stories of all time, and one of them inspired the epic character of Hamster!Mikey, though not in this form. Also, she made me an icon. It's at starflowers. It features Hamster!Mikey.
Notes: Suspend your disbelief, this could totally happen. Oh, also, it wasn't beta'd, so, let me know if you spot anything really awful. Except for plot holes, because, seriously. Mikey!hamster is a plot hole.
Disclaimer: This is totally not true, and I don't own MCR, or, incidently, a hamster. Their tails freak me out. I had a gerbil, once, and he was a bitch.




The Hamster Prince

The thing about Bob Bryar that Mikey had always known was that he was about 200% as big as Mikey was. That had never been more important or apparent than the morning in which Mikey woke up to find that he had turned into a hamster in the middle of the night.

There were other things that Mikey had always known about Bob— mainly that Bob was funny in this completely different way than Frank or Ray, that he could make Mikey laugh so hard his stomach cramped up, that he could toss Frank around like an irritating, hyperactive little monkey. There was also the way Bob took care of Gerard better than anyone else (except maybe Brian) ever had, and the way Bob was a sweaty, gorgeous god of drums on stage. There was also, of course, Bob’s blond hair and blue eyes and reluctant little grin, and the way he’d appeared like some sort of fairy tale creature on a white horse to save the band from the epic and undeniable chaos that was Japan.

So yeah, maybe Mikey had a slight crush. Whatever, it was no big deal, until Mikey had accidentally gone all Wentzian, emo, and needy, Bob had been rooming with him in the hotel, and they’d somehow ended up kissing. And then kissing some more. What had started out as awkward, almost shy kissing turned into something different, with tongues and needy little noises and fantastic touching and Mikey wasn’t at all sure that Bob hadn’t been drunk or under the influence of something slipped into his Coke at dinner, though, because Bob was almost as straight as Ray Toro, and Ray had a kid for fuck’s sake.

But the facts could not be denied. Mikey had been lonely and had kissed Bob, who had kissed him back. Somehow that had led to learning how each other tasted all over, and Mikey being fucked into the mattress until he was so exhausted that he hadn’t managed to do anything more than make a sleepy little sound of adoration, and snuggle up against Bob. All without even expressing the squeaky, panicky questions that plagued him about what it all meant, and how fucked in the head Bob had been to let it happen.

But none of that explained why or how Mikey had gone to sleep a sexually satisfied guy with beard burn on his sensitive skin, and woken up a fucking furry, fluffy hamster. A furry, fluffy hamster stretched out on a bed beside Bob, who looked even more looming and terrified when you were a palm-sized rodent.

Mikey squealed in dismay as Bob started rolling in his sleep, and scurried to the relative safety of his pillow, blinking in horror and waiting for Bob’s shriek of outrage and confusion when he opened his eyes and realized that Mikey had become a hamster.

Bob’s eyes did open, did blink blearily, and his palm brushed over the sheets where Mikey had fallen asleep. “Fuck,” Bob said in a sleepy growl. “Fucking pussy. Mikey?” he called, sitting up, rubbing at his jaw. “Fucking knew he’d run,” he mumbled to himself, and Mikey let out an outraged squeak at the implication.

That got Bob’s attention, and Mikey waited for him to apologize, to realize that Mikey hadn’t run at all, but had been turned into a hamster. Evidently, however, upon discovering a hamster on his pillow, Bob didn’t immediately jump to that conclusion, and instead snarled, “Fucking Gee and his fucking rodents, Jesus Christ.” Without another word, Bob scooped Mikey up, stomped into the hall, and knocked on Gerard’s door across it. Gee answered, all sleep-ruffled and confused.

“Any word from Frank?” Bob asked, slipping into the room, opening the lid of Gerard’s hamster cage, dropping Mikey in, and snapping it shut. He ignored all of Mikey’s terrified chattering, didn’t seem to understand a word of it.

Their voices were muffled and strange through the thick plastic of Gerard’s overly complicated hamster cage. Mikey did a frantic circle of the main compartment, pounding his little paws against the plastic, screaming, but no one heard him. Finally, at a loss, he turned around and studied the enclosure from his new perspective. Gerard had dropped a new toilet paper tube in sometime recently, and it was barely chewed. There was a shallow dish of pellets and a water bottle against the side. Strangely, there was no hamster poop anywhere, which was rather nice.

Also, there were no other hamsters. Jellybean, Gerard’s beloved hamster, was nowhere in sight.

“Hello?” Mikey called nervously. There was no answer. His nose twitched curiously, his whiskers tickled a little bit, and he took a few cautious steps towards the pink tube that led to the other little rooms attached to this one.

Halfway up the tube, Mikey decided that hamsters were fucking ninjas or something, because this shit was hard! He was out of breath and swearing off cigarettes before he got to the first enclosure, which was a deep indigo colour, round and shaped like a spaceship. There was a contraption on the side that he remembered Gerard being so excited about, which delivered a treat to the smart little rodent who figured out how to push the switch. Mikey gave it a cautious glance, decided he wasn’t hungry enough to try, and pulled himself into the green tube that led a short distance to another little room, the smallest yet. He found all the hamster shit there, in a little box filled with sawdust, and wrinkled his nose, hurrying into the yellow tube that went even higher. At least Jellybean had some sense of personal hygiene and didn’t just shit all over the place.

The next room was small as well, and stuffed with fluff and sawdust, a little nest dug out of the center. It looked quite cosy despite Mikey’s intentions to be disgusted with his strange new life as a hamster, and he moved on quickly, cautious ear twitches telling him that something was moving in the next and last room.

It was a hamster wheel, Mikey saw, as he gingerly inched around the last corner in the tube. The purple wheel was spinning quickly, a rodent-sized blur inside it, and Mikey froze. He could hear the hamster panting, but more worrisome was that he could also hear it cursing.

“Fucking— motherfucker...” the hamster panted. “Just— a— little— further...”

And worst of all, the hamster sounded like Frank.

“Frank?” Mikey whispered, inching closer. The hamster stopped so suddenly that he was flipped around three times before spilling from the wheel to land in a furry heap at Mikey’s feet.

“Mikey?” he breathed, blinking up at him.

“Frank. Frank, you’re a hamster,” Mikey said desperately. “Gerard’s been looking for you for a week, you just disappeared—- oh shit, you haven’t been—- you’ve been a hamster, this whole time?”

Frank shrugged, which was a strange thing to see a hamster do. “Yeah. I guess. A week? Shit.” He stood up, shaking the sawdust out of his fur, and his beady little eyes brightened suddenly, looking almost feverish. “Mikey, Mikey, ohmygod, groom me!”

“Excuse me?”

“Seriously, seriously, I’ve got, like, fleas, I don’t even know, it just itches, and I can’t get it, I can’t groom this one spot, right on my back, can’t you—- just a little-—”

Mikey was backing away quickly, shaking his head. “Dude, no. No way. Besides, we’ve got bigger problems then you’re lack of personal hygiene. We’re hamsters.”

“I’ve been a hamster for a week, I’m over it, I’m—- I’ve got plans, man, serious plans, I’m breaking out of here.”

Mikey cocked his head, studying Frank a moment. He wondered how his own sanity would be after a week of this, and felt a bit more understanding. “What plans?” he asked carefully.

“The wheel, man, it’s the wheel. Every day, I go a little bit further, a little bit further, and one day, I’m gonna fucking bust out of here!”

Mikey looked from Frank to the wheel and then back again carefully. “Frank,” he said gently. “The wheel doesn’t go anywhere.”

“Duh,” said Frank. “I know that.”

There was a pause, and then Mikey said, “Maybe you should lay off whatever’s in that spaceship, huh? It’s making you a little loopy.

Frank twitched, then started maniacally chewing at one of his back legs. “God, this sucks, this fucking sucks, I’m so itchy, Mikeyway.”

Before Mikey could freak out anymore about being a hamster, the top of the wheel enclosure opened, and a massive hand came down, scooping them both up.

“Holy fuck,” Gerard said from above them, mostly just two massive eyes from Mikey’s point of view, clinging precariously to his thumb and trembling badly. “Two hamsters? How did this happen? You guys’ll have to share, it’s exercise time!”

Frank let out a war cry and Mikey didn’t make a sound. Moments later, they were both gently placed inside a massive plastic ball, and Frank started running.

It was the worst moment of Mikey’s life.
***

Hamster puke tasted nearly the same as human puke, but Mikey was too exhausted to think much about it later, when he was curled up in a tiny ball, squished in next to Frank in the room filled with fluff and cotton, falling into a sleepy hamster nap. Frank had mumbled a list of rules before passing out himself, mostly “Only shit in the shit room, that shit’s nasty” and “Don’t eat the green pellets, whatever you do” and “watch the bend in the yellow tube, it narrows and my ass got caught there for hours before Gee noticed.”

When Mikey woke up from his nap, he was still a hamster.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, before going in search of Frank. He found him on the wheel again, and waited patiently for Frank to see him there and stop his obsessive running.

“Oh,” Frank said breathlessly, flopping out of the wheel. “Hey. Didn’t get very far that time. What’s up?”

“We’ve got to figure out why this happened and how to fix it,” Mikey said.

“No can do. We’re hamsters. It’s not gonna go away, doesn’t make sense. Hamsters just don’t become real boys, Mikeyway.”

He shook his head at Frank. “And boys don’t just become hamsters. Since we did, we’ve got to assume that it works the other way too. We’ve just got to think it through, find out the pattern. Also... I’m hungry, and I need to pee.” He was glad hamsters couldn’t blush, and settled for an embarrassed little nose wiggle.

“Dude. C’mon, I’ll show you the shit room. Then, my friend, you’re in for a treat. Literally. Gee fuckin’ spoils Jellybean.”

Later, sprawled on his back, little paw curled over his tummy, Mikey whimpered a little. “Jesus,” he breathed. “Those things are like crack.”

“Dude, I know,” Frank agreed with a giggle, hitting the switch again so that a little pink pellet came out of the spaceship. “Don’t try the pellet things downstairs, the green ones, they’re seriously nasty.”

Mikey rested for a few more minutes before finally turning his head to look at Frank. “Okay. So. Tell me about turning into a hamster.”

“It sucked?” Frank offered. “It itched? And I’ve got this stubby little tail, seriously, it’s like this little naked nub sticking off my ass. Gee put me in here, and Jellybean packed his shit and moved out.”

“Oh.” He considered for a moment, and then asked, “What did you eat before it happened? When did it happen?”

“Morning, uhm, I don’t remember? Tacos?”

“Yeah, you went missing after taco night.”

Frank nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah. Gerard nearly rolled over and crushed me—”

“Bob—” he stopped, snapping his jaw shut, refusing to confess to that. “I mean. Gee. You and Gerard...”

“Night like any other, you know? We ate, we watched some shitty ass reality tv, there was some sex, and then—- oh, hey, yeah, that was fucked, man, I was almost asleep, when. Well...”

“What?” Mikey pressed, flopping over to look at him. Frank squirmed uncomfortably.

“Well, Gee said—- might have said—- I wasn’t sure. But I thought he said he loved me?” Frank coughed, rubbing at his whiskers, and Mikey blinked at him.

“That—- Gee... that’s, like, weird for you?” He definitely did not want to be discussing this with Frank, and it seemed a shared sentiment. Frank leapt up and began pacing a little, stopping occasionally to flail his paws.

“Of course! We’re not—- we don’t date, Mikey, it’s just sex. Just, sometimes we’ve gotta get off, and it’s convenient, and he’s hot, and he thinks I’m hot, so sometimes we just, no one gets hurt by it.”

“But Gerard loves you. We all love you. We’re fucking incestuous, you know?”

“No, but Mikey, it wasn’t—- Gerard wasn’t saying that, not like he usually means it. He was saying there were feelings, Mikey. Gerard can’t have feelings for me, okay?”

“Well... well, why not?”

Frank stared at him, and Mikey blinked back. Finally, he said, “Because that’s not what we do. Gerard doesn’t have feelings for me. He can’t.”

“But-— but do you have feelings—”

“No!”

He had denied it too quickly, and Mikey felt a bit sick at the idea. “Christ, Frankie! You’ve got a gay crush on my brother?” There were no words to describe how horrified he was.

“No! It’s not like that!” Frank was pacing again, clearly agitated. “It’s just—- okay, Gee is hot, everyone knows that, even you know that, Mikey. He’s hot, and he’s a fucking geek, and he’s always going on about saving the world, and he—- it’s not a crush, it’s just... an unfortunate and very mild infatuation, okay?”

“So let me get this straight. My brother, who has been your fuck buddy, who you’re secretly in love with, confesses his love for you, and you—- what? Turn into a hamster? What the fuck, Frank!”

“Well. I mean, first I giggled. A lot. He looked kind of upset.” Frank’s shoulders slumped a little.

“You laughed in his face?” Mikey happened to know that Gerard had been nursing his own schoolgirl crush on Frank since the Pencey Prep days.

“Yeah, I—” anything else Frank meant to say in his own defence was lost as Mikey gave into a flash of protective rage. He snarled something about ripping Frank’s ears off and lunged at him, a fur ball of fury, tearing at Frank with his paws and his teeth, hissing about all the ways Frank would pay for hurting Gerard. After a startled moment, Frank began fighting back, and it was pretty vicious, for all that Mikey only managed to catch mouthfuls of Frank’s fur and Frank didn’t even manage that. It was uncoordinated violence, that only stopped when Mikey heard Gerard’s muffled voice shouting, “Holy fuck, Bob, my hamsters are fucking!”

They both froze, panting for breath, aware of Gerard’s face peering into the plastic cage, and then Bob’s.

“Dude, they’re not fucking, they’re trying to kill each other.”

The top of the cage came off suddenly, and Mikey was scooped up gently, cradled on Bob’s palm, while Gerard scooped up Frank, who made a show of panting and limping on his hand before flopping over.

Mikey snorted because Frank was a drama queen, and then closed his eyes when Bob absently stroked his back. Maybe he wrapped his little paws around Bob’s thumb and clung a bit, but Mikey was feeling a little bit emotional at the moment.

“Since when do you have two hamsters?” Bob asked.

“Dunno. They were just there this morning. Did you find Mikey yet?”

Bob shook his head, clearing his throat a bit awkwardly. “Weird, isn’t it? That Frankie and Mikey both went missing?”

“Maybe Mikey’s hiding out with him,” Gerard suggested hopefully.

“Nah. He’s running from me,” Bob said, all fake casual. Mikey flinched, and Frank looked over at him curiously.

“What’s he got to run from?” Gerard asked, eyes narrowing, and suddenly, Mikey was dropped back into the cage, Frank following a moment later.

“Something between us,” Bob said with a shrug, and then the lid was snapped back on and Bob walked out of the room.

Frank stared at Mikey. “You fucked Bryar,” he crowed.

Mikey shrunk away from him and said faintly, “No, not technically. He fucked me?”

“Mikeyway! Losing your virginity!”

“I wasn’t a fucking virgin!” he snapped. “Just, shut up, Frank. It’s none of your business.”

“Dude! Maybe this is some sex side-effect! Have gay sex, wake up a rodent!”

“Gee and Bob were involved, too, and I told you, it wasn’t my first time, or yours, so that’s ridiculous.”

“Well. Okay, okay. Let’s think this through, Mikeyway.” Frank was pacing in a circle now, eyes feverishly bright. “Gee fucks me, I wake up a hamster. Bob fucks you, you wake up a hamster too. Maybe the jizz—”

“No. Just, no.” He shook his head. “Look, Frank. I think I need to be alone for a bit, okay? This hamster thing? It’s fucked. And I haven’t had days to get used to it like you have.”

“It’s not that bad,” Frank said, sidling closer to him, watching him closely now, little nose twitching. “I mean, it can’t be permanent.”

“What if it is?” Mikey’s ears drooped. “Hamsters only live like two years, Frank. And Gee’s hamsters rarely last that long.”

Frank blinked at him, looked around wildly, and then blinked again. “It isn’t permanent,” he said again, desperately.

“Yeah. Maybe. I just... I need to think, okay?” Mikey slumped as he trudged out of the room, through a tube, and into the wheel room. He studied the wheel for a moment, and then finally pulled himself into it, starting up a slow jog.

It was oddly soothing, and before long, Mikey was going faster, panting a bit as he thought about the problem.

Gerard and Frank had hooked up. Nothing new there, until Gerard had confessed his feelings. Frank had freaked out. Frank had eventually fallen asleep, and had woken up a hamster.

Mikey and Bob had hooked up. That was new. Mikey squirmed a little, wondering if hamsters could blush. But Bob hadn’t confessed anything... which had led to Mikey freaking out. Then sleeping. Then waking up a hamster. Common denominator? Freaking out.

So, right. But Frank had flipped out because Gerard cared. Why would he turn into the one thing Gerard adored almost as much as he had always loved Frank?

And, furthermore, why would Mikey become the same thing, when he’d freaked out about Bob not caring, when Bob hated Gerard’s hamsters?

Supposing that Mikey managed to suspend all disbelief and give into the undeniable fact that he had, indeed, woken up a hamster, and so, apparently, had Frank, then that meant, logically speaking, that the form they had woken up in had to matter on some level, had to be some physical manifestation of an inner and secret truth. Or fear.

So, Inner Truth: Gee loved Frank. Frank is in Denial. Frank becomes the one thing everyone knows that Gee loves. Result? Frank gets over denial. Classic (sort of) fairy tale structure.

But if similar rules of (non)logic applied to Mikey, that meant a different sort of truth, one he was sort of afraid to face.

Which would mean: Mikey likes Bob (too much). Bob wants a hook up. Mikey’s subconscious transforms him into the one thing universally acknowledged to be Bob’s least favourite animal. Mikey learns that his feelings are hopeless and that Bob would reject him should said feelings become known. Mikey gets over Bob. Not a fairy tale at all.

The sad truth behind the statement caused him to stop running, which in turn, caused him to flip over four times before being violently ejected from the wheel, much as Frank had been earlier.

After he’d recovered from the dizzying, spinning sensation, Mikey got up and went in search of Frank, ears still droopy.

He found him in the nest, curled up but not sleeping. When he slipped inside, Frank lifted his head, sniffing the air, and saying, “Mikey, you okay? I was worried.”

“Yeah,” Mikey said despondently. “I think I figured this stuff out.”

Frank stood up quickly as Mikey flopped down. “What is it? Radioactive rodent bite? Latent superpowers? Witch curse?”

“Worse. Subconscious physical manifestations of the truth. Sort of like how when you’re dreaming, true thoughts and feelings take on physical forms? We symbolically are Gerard’s hamsters, for different reasons, and so, somehow, we actually became the hamsters.”

“Okay, you’re gonna have to translate that for me.”

Mikey sighed, burrowing under some fluff. “Gerard loves you. Everyone knows it, except you. He told you, and you—whatever, felt unworthy of it, or that it wasn’t true, that he didn’t love you that way. So your subconscious changed you into the one thing you knew he loves unconditionally. Other than me.” Mikey waved a vague paw. “His hamster.”

“Oh.” Frank hesitated. “And you?”

“I’ve got a stupid crush on Bob—- a seriously ridiculous schoolgirl crush. I’m emo and missing you, Bob tries to make me feel better, I take advantage and we sleep together or whatever. I know that Bob doesn’t feel the same, and know that, when we wake up, he’ll hate me for it. I become a hamster, because Bob hates hamsters. Inverted fairy tales running in parallel plot points.”

Frank was watching him carefully. “Bob—”

Mikey burrowed further under the fluff. “Hates me,” he finished, rubbing both paws over his eyes.

“...Oh. Huh. I always thought—”

“Listen. Gee’s freaking the fuck out because you’re gone,” Mikey said tiredly. “He’s completely, stupidly in love with you. Everyone knows it, even you. Do you love him?”

There was a soft shuffle, and then a little snort. “He’s a stupid fucker,” Frank said finally, and Mikey reluctantly sat up, preparing to kick the shit out of him for saying that. But then Frank said, “But he’s kind of gorgeous, you know? His stupid eyes and his mouth and his stupid thinking all the time, about shit like saving the world? Who does that? He’s not a fucking superhero, but he’s—- he’s—” He growled, frustrated.

“Do you love him?”

Frank curled up into a miserable ball of fluff and refused to answer.

“Because he’s been stupid for you since you were that chubby, bouncy kid in Pencey Prep,” Mikey finished with a shrug, ducking his head again. “And if you don’t feel it, whatever, that’s fine, but you stop fucking around with him, now, so he can get over it and I don’t have to listen to anymore late night phone calls about how much easier it was with the drugs and—”

“I do,” Frank said in a small voice. “I can’t help it. But Bob—”

There was a crack, the distant smell of burnt hair, and Mikey lifted his head and blinked. Frank was gone, and somewhere beyond the plastic wall of the cage, he heard someone yell, “Motherfucker, yes!” He pressed his paws to the plastic and peered out, and there was Frank, naked, doing an obscene victory dance, with bits of sawdust in his hair. The door opened, and Gerard came in, slumped and small, rubbing at his messy hair, staring at his phone.

Mikey watched long enough to see his brother squawk in shock, stare at Frank, and for Frank to launch himself at him. They started kissing and groping, and that’s when Mikey burrowed as far under the fluff as he could, burying himself so that he couldn’t see or hear.

His last thought before he fell asleep was wondering how Jellybean ever survived having to be in the same room while Gerard and Frank engaged in their creepy, kinky sex.
***

Frank was panting for breath, sprawled naked beside Gerard, who, after the kissing and the sex, had clung to his side, nuzzled his neck, and said, over and over again, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, don’t leave me again, don’t leave.”

“Hey,” Frank had said finally, tangling fingers in Gerard’s hair. “Hey, I love you too, asshole.” He’d kissed Gerard’s forehead, and Gerard had beamed at him, flailed a bit, snuggled close, and fallen asleep.

He probably needed it. Life as a hamster had been pretty comfortable, with nothing much to do other than eat or sleep or run on that wheel, but, from what Frank could see, Gerard had spent most of his time searching for Frank and not sleeping at all.

When his breathing and his heart rate slowed enough, Frank carefully untangled himself from Gerard and inched out of bed. He crouched by the hamster cage, not giving a shit about his nudity, and peered inside. All he could see of Mikey was a lump underneath the fluff, and he grinned. “Sorry,” he said. “Hold tight, Mikey, I’ll fix this, I swear. First, I need a shower. Seriously, sex and sawdust, so not hot.”

He showered, and while the hot water soothed his cramped muscles and washed away the scent of hamster, he thought of Mikey’s problem and how it might be solved.

Finally, he decided that there was only one thing to do, and he dressed, after grinning fondly because Gerard had kept some of Frank’s shit in his suitcase, like a girl. Then, he covered Gerard up with a sheet, and opened the hamster cage. Mikey was sleeping, and Frank carefully scooped him up, stroking him a bit when Mikey blinked sleepily up at him and snarled.

“It’s okay, we’re going to find Bob,” Frank said, and Mikey panicked and tried to jump from his hand.

After he’d tucked Mikey into his shirt pocket and did up the button to keep him there, Frank went into the hall, knocking on Bob’s door. No one answered, so he went to find Ray instead, who, after freaking out at Frank for disappearing, said that Bob had been freaking out all day and looking for Mikey.

Frank decided to sit outside his door and wait for him, after going back for Gerard’s exercise ball, which he figured was a safe place to lock Mikey while they waited. Instead of running all over the place like Frank had done in the ball, Mikey just sat on his back legs and glared at him, sullen and furious, so it wasn’t like he was going to run down some stairs or anything.

Bob finally showed up maybe an hour later, looking exhausted, and somewhere between furious and worried. He blinked when he saw Frank, and said, “You came back.”

“Yeah,” Frank agreed with a smile, standing. “Came to talk about Mikey.”

Bob blinked, eyes narrowing, and opened the door to his room. Following him in, Frank carefully set Mikey on the bed, and then turned to confront Bob, hands on his hips.

“Seriously?” Frank snapped. “You fucked him? Way to fuck up the band, Bryar.”

“You and Gee’ve been doing the same for months,” Bob said coldly. “And it’s none of your business. Where’s Mikey?”

“Gerard and I have been, we’ve—- we’re involved, Bob! We—- there are feelings, and—”

“What makes you think there aren’t feelings with me and Mikey?”

“Mikey told me!”

Bob went very still, very pale, and then said carefully, “That’s why he ran? Because he doesn’t want— what did he think, that I was going to force him? Or was he just to scared to admit that he didn’t want anything else with me?”

“Whoa,” Frank said, distracted suddenly as the hamster ball rolled off the bed and hit the floor. Before he could catch it, it had gone under the bed. “Fuck,” he mumbled, ignoring Bob and trying to catch Mikey. Finally, he shouted up to Bob, “You like him!”

Bob was quiet for a moment, finally snarling, “Leave the fucking hamster alone, Frank! Where the fuck is Mikey?”

Frank went very still, hamster ball finally clutched in his hands, eyes narrowing. “Holy shit,” he hissed, and Mikey flailed a bit. “We didn’t become hamsters because of how they felt, we became hamsters because of how we felt! I didn’t think Gee could love me so I became what he loved, and you thought Bob would hate you after he realized you guys had fucked!”

Bob lost what little patience he had, and shouted, “I’m fucking in love with him, so tell me where the fuck he is, Iero!”

There was a crack, and suddenly, all Frank was holding was an empty hamster ball.

“Ow,” Mikey said in a small voice, and Frank leapt up, beaming. Mikey was sprawled on the bed, naked, and looking rather confused. His eyes widened when he saw Bob, who was staring in shock. “Bob,” he squeaked. “I—- I’m sorry I—”

“You ran away,” Bob accused, crossing his arms over his chest. “In all the times I’d pictured us finally hooking up, it never ended with you running away. If you didn’t want it, you could have—”

“I was scared,” Mikey said quickly, desperately. “Frank, get out. I was just, so scared you hadn’t wanted—- I thought you’d hate me for it, and I—- it was so, so good!”

“Why would I hate—”

“You don’t exactly make a habit of sticking around after hooking up,” Mikey said quietly, flushing, and Frank wondered how long Mikey had liked him to have noticed that.

Bob looked at him blankly for a moment and then said, “Because whenever I did stick around, I’d wake up wishing I was waking up with you.”

“Ew,” Frank said delicately, but Mikey was grinning and Bob was blushing and they were looking at each other shyly, and really, it was nauseating.

Frank slipped out just before the kissing started, and went back to Gerard, who was just starting to wake. Frank climbed back into bed before Gerard could worry that he’d run away again, and wondered how long he could keep Gerard from noticing that all his hamsters were gone.

Probably a while. After all, Frank had it on good authority that Gerard loved him more than all his hamsters combined.

The End.

Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
neviditelny
Feb. 24th, 2009 07:32 am (UTC)
*cackles* Wonderful!
skoosiepants
Feb. 24th, 2009 06:16 pm (UTC)
dude, seriously, this is AMAZING and hilarious! MIKEYHAMSTER!
r1cepudding
Mar. 5th, 2009 10:36 am (UTC)
This is adorable. A++!
littleladypunk
Mar. 7th, 2009 01:30 pm (UTC)
When I saw it I thought "hamster!Mikey? wtf?" and then "anyway, I can give it a try". And you know what? I like it :D It's hilarious and so sweet. Good job :)
liamar13
Mar. 7th, 2009 02:50 pm (UTC)
dude this fic is so very awesome. the premise is pure crack but the story turns out all sweet and cuddly :D very cool

p.s. your hamster mikey icon rules!
turlough
Mar. 7th, 2009 06:52 pm (UTC)
This was adorable! So sweet and cuddly and totally hilarious.
seratonation
Mar. 8th, 2009 10:01 am (UTC)
:D so adorable! i loved them all!
and_the_damned
Mar. 8th, 2009 10:02 pm (UTC)
that was awsesome! I lol-ed at frank on the wheel.
batmanboxers
Mar. 9th, 2009 12:35 am (UTC)
♥ so cute!
saba1789
Mar. 10th, 2009 06:42 am (UTC)
Heeee, that was adorable! And so much fun to read! Thank you so much for writing and sharing it :D .
ophelia1971
Jul. 7th, 2009 11:31 pm (UTC)
Effing brilliant. I don't read crackfic, but you've made me grin like a loon!

This was adorable and cute and SO fecking funny. Seriously.

Them spinning out of the wheel, brilliant. :-D
pr_scatterbrain
Sep. 13th, 2009 12:56 pm (UTC)
This was completely adorable. Completely.
roxy_palace
Sep. 27th, 2009 02:54 am (UTC)
awesomesox!!
mcrnut
Oct. 6th, 2009 12:06 am (UTC)
Aww,this was amazing!
pensnest
Oct. 10th, 2010 10:20 pm (UTC)
I'm bewildered about how I came to read this, because I don't really read bandom stories, but it is just my kind of crack, and it's really quite adorable.
minacoleta
Jan. 11th, 2011 06:04 am (UTC)
WHAT IN THE WORLD.

THIS IS SO FUCKING CRACKTASTIC, WHAT EVEN. OH JESUS.

THIS WAS GREAT. I AM LIKE, GIGGLING ALL OVER THE PLACE RN.

WOW.

I NEED A BOB ICON.
pensnest
Sep. 9th, 2012 01:15 pm (UTC)
Has anyone done a podfic of this? If not, would you be okay with me having a go? I just happened to be re-reading the story and found myself doing it out loud...
starflowers
Sep. 9th, 2012 02:19 pm (UTC)
No one has done one and you are welcome to!
pensnest
Jan. 4th, 2016 09:12 pm (UTC)
It has, uh, been a long time. But today's Fandom Snowflake Challenge prodded me into finishing the job, so it is here. 'Scuse my accent.
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )